Creativity!

This weeks chapter I have found hard and grueling.
I had sooo many questions come up and sooo many possible answers, I felt swamped and stuck, wasn't really sure how to tackle some of my truths, yes I seem to back and forth, and the 'nothing' time has been hard to do this week too, but I have felt a reall need for it, quite space to put it all in order in my mind....
But journaling has really helped with letting it all out no bars held!
Some of the questions that came up this week were...

1. I want to become an artist, how can I make this possible?
2. Why don't I see myself as an artist already?
3. How can I make art as part of my life more?
4. What is it that I don't value about what I am doing now?
5. Why do I create?

The answers that came after all this questioning was, I don't see myself as an artist because.... I don't sell art, I don't do art daily, other people (family) don't see doing art as of value, feeling like I am waisting my time on too much hobbying. ( then the child in me softly speaks out, but I want to live a life of my own creation - happy, messy stuff, full of quiet, noise, busy, colourfull stuff!)

Rather than seeing the value in what I am trying to achieve....transforming my being into what my life's purpose is, allowing myself to express and grow, exploring and making soul connections, connecting to the authentic self, not being afraid to show my authentic self, even when others may not like it.

So all of these questions swirling in my head for days, but then as I was mopping the floor I realised that yes I am an artist because I create daily, maybe not painting daily, but when I bake a cake the same yearning to create comes in my centre and I have this great urge to want to bake. That urge, that feeling never really leaves me, I always feel it and I love that, because when I first had my daughters I felt like I lost it, but a very good friend of mine did remind me that creating a human being in your body, was 'creative ' enough! Yeah!!! (Must remind myself to be more compassionate with self)

I really loved the idea of doing one thing different daily, changing what I did, so I jumped on our trampoline and sang children's nursery rhymes, sang out loud in the lounge room to "Mamma Mia!" and wrote everything with my left hand for one day (this was a hard one!) Want to do art on my bed, go for a moon lit walk, leave love notes for friends and family to find mysteriously, maybe walk backwards around the house! Hehehe.

What are you trying differently today? Let your creative side out to play, have some fun! All the best with next weeks chapter "Risk", I don't know about you but it feels like its getting harder each week as we get more into this, just need to be more compassionate with self, its o.k. still learning the ropes of how to bring more joy in! Angie ox

Desire

This weeks chapter is on desire.

What is it that I desire?

I have many desires small and big, which I am not sure if any of them will ever be fulfilled. But by golly I will try!

Martha advices us to work towards our desire daily by sitting in stillness with it, listening to the desire see if it brings with it a taste of love, and spend some time on it daily, to make the desire reall.

For me my biggest desire is to become an artist. Even saying it exillerates me,"I am an artist!". Some of you may know that I have started an art course and last week we had a watercolourist come and introduce watercolours, he is a retired 70 year old man who started painting at 65 and has since then won awards, published a few books and is now a resident artist in a school, and as I was listening to him I was thinking, yes it can be done if you really want it you can go for it and make your self! The whole course has exposed us to so many talented artists that have made it through their desires, just from pure love and wanting to do so. This course has really enspired me!

Some days my focus is so strong and I get a reall connection with that energy and things really seem to flow, but other times I can't even pick up a pencil, this is when I doubt myself and wonder wether I have the right focus/desire.

I had an Aha! moment just recently about this, about how just because its something you are meant to do it doesn't mean it comes easily everytime, their is struggle, doubts and rejection. Just look at the great artists of our century, most were struggling artists, who were rejected by the art world, yet they still painted and continued on their journey of their destiny!

Do you sometimes find this struggle, yet you continue on? What do you do to help yourself out of this struggle?

Need to find sometime for stillness and ask more questions, Angie :)

Truth!

"Truths can be as colourful if not more than lies. COLOUR your world!"

What can be said...hmmm. This is a hard one, truth isn't pretty, but I like it, yet it can scare me. Sometimes I turn away from it and prefer the comfort of pain, small pains but still pain, sometimes big pains.

After having children, it became easier to tell the truth about certain things and do away with silly little antics like friends who weren't really friends, and people who wear masks, you do away with those people because well... I didn't have time to play in there games and was too tired to even try.

But still I know that the truth can still be hard to realise. Just recently my husband and I discussed our trip away to his family for two weeks. They are lovely people and we will have a lovely time away, the kids will see the grand parents and I/we (the adults) will get some time to ourselves and sight see a little, all lovely!

But every time we brought the subject up I would start to get slightly emotional and we would end up getting frustrated with each other.

Hubby planned one event and I would be ...."but that trip is too long, or the time is wrong!". So I caught myself and asked..."What am I feeling right now, what is the painful story I am telling myself?" and I realised that I was creating drama and making everyone's life difficult, why? Because, I felt that I had no control over what was happening on MY holiday! Kinda had a tantrum, how embarrassing but true! So we talked it over made some new arrangements and now we are both happy, we are going away for two weeks holiday and I can't wait!

What do you think of the collage above? (Tell the truth, or maybe don't ;))

Kinda appeared on its own playing with water soluble crayons on watercolour paper, then cutting magazine papers and matching colours, then journaled some ideas and words to go with TRUTH. Hope you like it, have a great weekend Angie:).

The Joy Diet - Nothing

Wow second week of "The Joy Diet", I have felt kind of rushed this week, kids are on school holidays, and I suppose this is the purpose of the book to allow myself to see that I need time to let myself be, to reconnect with my authentic self.
The goal for this week was to take 15 mins everyday of stillness, let the body relax and the mind find quiet from the chatter.
Before I began this challenge i had already been doing some meditation taught to me by my father, I was , and that is the operative word WAS, meditating for a while maybe 2-3 times a week, then as usual old habits creap in and one "forgets" to do it.
So I thought that to start again would be easy enough. But to be honest it took me much longer than 15mins, more like 30mins and I could only do this at night after the kiddies were asleep, to get to that place of quietness.
Once I got to that quiet place daily I felt better each day, calmer, fresher. Yet to get to the chair where I sit at night still feels like a struggle, I resist, and I ask myself why?
Has anyone else felt their body resisting?
I would rather be doing something else.....like my art!
That is my 'Amanpuri' my place of solitude, doing my art work in my artroom. When I am home alone and noone interupts me I feel so at peace and my mind is filled with silence.....But to get to this place has taken me a long time, to understand how important art is to me, even on those days when i don't feel like it, or don't feel good enough.
So I sit there and try to remember that feeling of creating, that familiar place, feels like coming home.

I did this journal page thinking about the book and what it meant to be doing "Nothing". It is like a sacred time, space, retreat from the rest of the world to reconnect with my soul. It was a fun page to put together, a first for me in collaging, will be doing more for sure.

Happy reading for next week and all the best in finding your one moment of truth! Angie oxox

It isn't too late to join this great group, link in the photo above to join in the fun!

"The Joy Diet"

I am so excited!

This week I started on a new venture, I joined Jamie Ridlers "Next Chapter" and the book being discussed is 'The Joy Diet' by Martha Beck.

I bought the book a few months ago but never got around to reading it. It feels almost serindipitous that the book being read is this one, and if you have read my last post I mentioned all these things that i have noticed happen, I am sure things like these happen all the time but I have been trying to look more, use my senses more, my awareness of my surroundings, feel more!

I have also started a gratitude journal to allow myself to see life more positive, even the small stuff, it all counts. I suppose to allow more joy in!

So this week we introduce the book and ourselves, then we start reading the first chapter about 'Nothing' and talk about how we can make more room for nothing in our lives and how this can positively effect us. And I must add with how I have been feeling these last few weeks, I can do with more joy in my life, a little boost of positive energy.

Heres' to new ventures in all our lives, let's step out of our confort zone and into something delicious and joyous!

Angie ox